Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. 1. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. At the golf corpse! Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Correct one fault at a time. I chipped in from the rough! Roarin' Mcllroy There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? My drives aren't always long and straight. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Sawdust City LLC. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Why a carrot as a logo? Dirty Golf Sayings. I Am Shuvo Saha. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Im the best. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Tahiti. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Because her coach was a pumpkin. The guys who come As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Knock, knock Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Tahiti who? He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. 3. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". I play Bass. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Fore! I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Please read here for more information. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. fodrizzle. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? Your fifth putt. Jack Benny. Always keep learning. And it matters how we go about attaining them. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. It can be rewarding. 3. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Knock, knock Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot no! My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. A dinner without wine. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Toggle Navigation Menu . The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Boo who? As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. See you in the Email! Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. How do you know you should be a golfer? After 18 holes I can barely walk. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. 4. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Does a bear crap in the woods? It bends a little to the left. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. About 160 yards was his reply. Wodehouse Just in case they get a slice! The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! So, what are your thoughts? Or under. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf 5. Play golf. Wodehouse, 31. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Fantastic 4-some. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? So, I'm on the first tee with him. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. And that thought is: Dont think. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Its almost a law. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. I stepped on a rake.". He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Thats incredible. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Man: Please dont go. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. Golfing? P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Why do golfers hate cake? Besides that, I love to explore. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. A fan in the crowd said Mr. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! If we . Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Photo: Shutterstock. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. But you cant just forget not to think. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Another Ball in the Trees. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 1. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. 9. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. The smile looks really good on you. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. ~ George Bernard Shaw. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Damn, girl. "Golf is like a love affair. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Your email address will not be published. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. 3. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Because it would interrupt their tea time. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. I've got some good news. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Please sign up with your best email address. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. They expect to succeed! Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Very interesting. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. We have a threesome, care to join us? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? Because you got me soaking wet. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? 1. Lee Trevino. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Try choking donw on the shaft. 1. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! -Bob Hope You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. P.G. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Because all the other four letter words were taken. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. If you break 80, watch your business.". It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. 6. "I'm the best.

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